


Talking Ship

by paintedwolf



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 14:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12134550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintedwolf/pseuds/paintedwolf
Summary: There's Trouble ahoy for Duke





	Talking Ship

**Author's Note:**

> Just a silly little thing for "Talk Like a Pirate Day"

For once, it was a quiet day.  
Nathan was trying his best not to think too hard about their abnormally good luck as he settled in to catch up on the mountain of paperwork that had piled up on his desk. He had a fresh cup of coffee, a croissant from Rosemary’s that Audrey had brought in, and was actually looking forward to a nice, boring, Trouble-free day.  
The thought had barely left his mind as he pulled the first folder towards him, when his phone chimed, and not ten seconds later Audrey burst into his office.  
“I just got a text from Duke. He asked us to get down to the Gull ASAP. Sounds like something’s wrong.”  
“You sure he hasn’t just received another parking ticket he thinks is unfair?”  
“Maybe. But things have been quiet lately. I get uncomfortable when things are quiet. Besides, even if it’s just Duke complaining, a quick trip down to the Gull has to be more interesting than paperwork.”  
Nathan glanced at his coffee and untouched croissant, and the teetering pile of folders, weighing up his options.  
“Alright,” he sighed, grabbing his coat and his coffee cup, “But if it’s nothing, you’re buying pancakes tomorrow.”  
“Deal,” said Audrey, already halfway out the door.  
Nathan glanced at his phone on the way out, and sure enough, there was a text from Duke, probably the same one Audrey had got:  
_Grey Gull. Need help. STAT._

When they pulled up at the Gull a few minutes later, the first thing Audrey and Nathan did was look around for any of the usual signs that a Trouble had gone awry, but everything seemed perfectly normal, right down to Duke’s truck parked in the drive. They exchanged a silent look as they hopped out of the Bronco, and they both reached automatically for their gun holsters. They knew all too well that just because everything _looked_ okay, didn’t mean it was.  
Inside, the Gull was empty- or at least seemed to be- but it hadn’t quite reached opening time, so the usual breakfast rush had yet to start.  
“Oh, hi guys.” Tracy had just come out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a towel, appearing perfectly calm.  
Nathan turned to Audrey, face expressionless, yet still somehow clearly saying, “I told you so.”  
Audrey frowned, not quite ready to concede just yet.  
“Hey, Tracy. Where’s Duke? We-” Nathan cleared his throat at _we_ , “We were expecting some sort of emergency.”  
“Oh, he’s in his office, you can go through if you want.”  
There was an odd look on Tracy’s face that Audrey couldn’t quite decipher- some weird combination of sympathy and...amusement? Suddenly, she was worried again.  
“Thanks, Tracy,” she said, leading the way into the back room that served as Duke’s office. Nathan followed without a word.

“Duke! There you are! We thought something was wrong.”  
Duke was standing behind his desk, shuffling things around, but it seemed more like an I-need-to-keep-my-hands-busy gesture than him trying to actually do something productive.  
Instead of launching into an explanation of what, precisely, was up, he just looked up at them, his face rearranging itself into a glare of _Of course something is fucking wrong_.  
Audrey waited patiently (Nathan less so) for Duke to start talking, but for once it didn’t seem like he was going to offer up anything without some prodding. “Duke? You wanna tell us what’s going on here?”  
Duke shook his head slightly, then seemed to come to a decision, looking incredibly put-upon as he did. He opened and closed his mouth a few times. Nathan started drumming his fingers on his thighs, eyebrows raised.  
Finally, slowly, Duke started to speak, “Well, mateys, it appears thar be some trouble brewing in these here parts. Do either of ye know what day it be today?”  
For long seconds, nobody said a word. Duke looked murderous. Audrey found herself replaying his words in her head a few times, just to be sure she’d heard them correctly. She glanced at Nathan, who had moved to stand next to her, but all he did was shrug. _Great_.  
“Duke,” she started off gently, “Do you know you’re talking like a...pirate?”  
“Aye,” he said, “Of course I know! Ye think I didn’t realize I be talking like ol’ Davy Jones himself!?”  
“Oh, uh, good. Well...Trouble, huh?”  
Nathan opened his mouth, by now looking thoroughly amused.  
“And I won’t be needin’ any jokes from ye!” Duke jabbed a finger at Nathan.  
“Or what? You’ll unleash the Kraken on me?”  
“Arr, maybe I will,” said Duke, sounding all of five-years old. With a pirate accent. And a pout.  
“Okay, okay, let’s be serious, huh?”  
“Thankee, Audrey,” said Duke, plopping down in his chair and dropping his head on the desktop.  
Audrey couldn’t help pausing for a moment to fully comprehend Duke using the word, ‘Thankee.’  
“And you definitely think this is a Trouble.”  
“Naw. I be talking like this fer me health.”  
“Right, stupid question.”  
Seriously; who knew Duke talking like a pirate would throw her off her game so quickly?  
“Do you at least know what might have triggered it?”  
“Like I said, do either of ye know what day it be today?”  
“September 19th?” said Nathan.  
“Aye, but happenchance it also be ‘Talk like a pirate day’.”  
“You’re kidding.”  
“Nope, he’s right. September 19th. ‘International Talk Like A Pirate Day,’” said Nathan, showing her his phone, where he’d done a quick Google search.  
“Wonders never cease. So, what we’re saying is, someone’s Trouble is making people talk like pirates on ‘Talk Like a Pirate Day’?”  
“Could be a coincidence,” shrugged Nathan.  
“Thar be no such thing as a coincidence. Not on this scurvy rock.”  
“Scurvy rock?”  
“Ye keep yer mouth shut, Nathan.”  
“Well, who do you think it is? Duke?” asked Audrey, trying to keep the conversation on track.  
“If I knew that, lass, I’d not be standing ‘round here, lettin’ me barnacles grow.”  
“I think it’s getting worse,” whispered Nathan.  
Duke’s expression could’ve melted steel.

A few minutes later, after making sure Duke stayed put (and with Duke being very piratey-sarcastic about having no plans to go anywhere in his state), Nathan and Audrey were walking out of the Gull in search of their Trouble.  
Duke couldn’t give them any more information about who it might be, other than a list of people who’d been in the Gull the day before. Audrey wasn’t sure that’s where it had started, given that Tracy had been on shift, and was still talking like a normal person, but it was as good a place as any to start looking.  
Particularly since they hadn’t had reports (yet) of anyone else suddenly turning into goddamned Blackbeard.  
“You know,” Nathan said, “We could always just…”  
“Nathan! We are not leaving Duke...like that.”  
“Funny though.”  
“No, it’s not!" she said, though she couldn’t quite help the smile that was twitching at the corners of her mouth.  
“I mean, he’s practically halfway there already.” Nathan continued.  
“No. Halfway pirate or not, I actually kinda like Duke the way he is.”  
“I know. I do too,” said Nathan with a soft smile. “Let’s go save us a pirate then.”


End file.
